What to do about my helpless mother in law?

My overall impression is that Mom is testing both you and your husband to see what her life would be like at some time in the future when her husband pes away and she is too old, feeble and nervous to do anything except be helpless. I believe she is genuinely concerned about her future...perhaps obsessed... with how she will cope with all aspects of the golden years ranging from major lifestyle issues to the most mundane daily routines. Your narrative suggests that in subtle ways, both you and your husband are undermining her self-confidence and self-reliance. Perhaps her husband is also contributing in his own subtle ways. For example, he can't be too happy eating fast food every day. Does he criticize her for that? If Mom is approaching menopause or is post-menopausal, for instance, maybe Dad is giving her an attitude because their romantic life or life is not what it used to be. Just because she asks your husband to perform these helpful tasks doesn't mean he is obligated to comply. He should first ask himself "If I do this for Mom, am I reinforcing her feelings of helplessness and waning self-esteem?" If the answer is yes, Mom should be made to believe more in her abilities, her expertise and her judgment....and she should be encouraged, prompted and/or motivated to do these things on her own. I think you need to observe and determine whether her husband is also making Mom feel helpless. Perhaps he criticizes her more since she retired. Perhaps he makes her feel less loved, less valuable or less important because she no longer goes to the workplace. You and your husband need to bring Dad on board a strategy to encourage Mom to feel better about herself. I think you should consider 1) More praise/positive feedback for Mom for things she enjoys and does well; 2) Get her involved in activities to encourage ways of dining other than fast food; 3) Do not encourage her helplessness by agreeing to all of her requests; 4) Avoid criticizing her; 5) Get Dad to take her out for romantic dates at least once a week...flowers, candy, drinks, dancing, kissing, hugging and getting dressed up for a memorable night.